My brother left for university this morning. It was, to put it mildly, weird and sad. Showers were taken, eggs were eaten, hair was done... But it felt weird--like we should have all been sobbing or hugging or being manically emotional. And then he was about to leave and we were all sobbing and hugging and being manically emotional. And now Toby and Sally are all forlorn, and I think his girlfriend might still be crying, and it's still weird. Just, not sad. Because he's only a train ride away, and he's studying something he loves, and he's changed his location on Facebook so I think he likes it there.
Despite all these words from friends and family, saying "oh, you'll be an only child!", that's not how it feels. Just because someone moves doesn't mean they have disappeared, and obviously when it's your brother, you don't instantly feel as if they never existed. Our conversation over dinner tonight was about what his halls were like, how he would be settling in, if he would be eating pizza for dinner... And it is funny, because I thought him leaving would just be like when he went on holiday earlier this summer. But it isn't. It's bigger than that, and it's different, and it holds the knowledge that in two years today he'll probably be in America.
Our house today was a bit teary, quite excited, full of coffee. And I feel like now, it is a new season. More than just being autumn, it's a new season of life. Me doing my GCSEs, my brother at university, my mum about to start a new nursing job... It is weird. But it is not sad now. It was this morning--now it's just weird and exciting.
I realise how incoherent this post. My mind is right now just a mess of trying to adapt to this new setup, and breathing in autumn, and figuring out homework. And maybe, soon, I will have found a rhythm but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the weird.
Have you had any siblings move out?
p.s. isn't weird such a weird word?