My brother left for university this morning. It was, to put it mildly, weird and sad. Showers were taken, eggs were eaten, hair was done... But it felt weird--like we should have all been sobbing or hugging or being manically emotional. And then he was about to leave and we were all sobbing and hugging and being manically emotional. And now Toby and Sally are all forlorn, and I think his girlfriend might still be crying, and it's still weird. Just, not sad. Because he's only a train ride away, and he's studying something he loves, and he's changed his location on Facebook so I think he likes it there.
Despite all these words from friends and family, saying "oh, you'll be an only child!", that's not how it feels. Just because someone moves doesn't mean they have disappeared, and obviously when it's your brother, you don't instantly feel as if they never existed. Our conversation over dinner tonight was about what his halls were like, how he would be settling in, if he would be eating pizza for dinner... And it is funny, because I thought him leaving would just be like when he went on holiday earlier this summer. But it isn't. It's bigger than that, and it's different, and it holds the knowledge that in two years today he'll probably be in America.
Our house today was a bit teary, quite excited, full of coffee. And I feel like now, it is a new season. More than just being autumn, it's a new season of life. Me doing my GCSEs, my brother at university, my mum about to start a new nursing job... It is weird. But it is not sad now. It was this morning--now it's just weird and exciting.
I realise how incoherent this post. My mind is right now just a mess of trying to adapt to this new setup, and breathing in autumn, and figuring out homework. And maybe, soon, I will have found a rhythm but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the weird.
Have you had any siblings move out?
xx
Libby
p.s. isn't weird such a weird word?
I absolutely understand how you feel. Every time I even think about leaving my brother behind when we move next year, I get all teary and choked up.
ReplyDeleteWhat's your brother studying?
Katie--he's studying English & American Literature, and gets a year abroad at an American uni. I'm jealous!
ReplyDeleteThat's so fun! I would love to study that :) He could always come to a uni in Indiana ;)
ReplyDeleteI'll be the first of my siblings to move out, so I can't imagine what it'd be like. My friend's sister is at college this year and she says it's hard because now she can't get that extra help on her homework anymore. :P
ReplyDeleteI like what you said about it being a new season & being weird but exciting. It's like that for me, too, but not in as big a way. It's more of a slower psychological thing, I think, if any of that makes sense.
Oh, I know just how you feel... when my brother moved out a couple years ago, our house just felt... empty. It was weird. And in two years, I'LL be moving out, leaving my parents behind... Which seems sad, because I'm the baby, and I'm a big daddy's girl, so I know I'll miss them [and all the rest of my family] like crazy, but I can't do anything about it. :) You'll get used to it... but nothing ever seems the same as it used to be.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how ya'll feel. My older brother left for college last year the first time and it was the most emotional time ever in my life. Really, really hard (sadly, he was not a train ride away...) but time helps.
ReplyDeleteA new rhythm soon awakes, and it's different from the past, but good.
It must be really weird. I'm kind of excited to be done with high school next year, but I don't even want to think about leaving my sister behind.
ReplyDeleteI love that you're trying to 'enjoy the weird'. Weird can be good. :)
At least he's studying something that he loves, and has the chance to travel!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any siblings that have moved out since I'm the eldest, but I'm planning to do just that when school is over in a year.
Well, my sister moved out when I was 3, but we were really close, and I never fully got used to it. She's living with us again for this year, and it feels like she's been living with us for those 10 years she wasn't!
ReplyDeleteI hope your brother gets on well!
Maeve